Today sucked. I'm going to write this and I know that every single line of it is going to ooze doubt and its going to make us look like we aren't ready for anything more then going our separate ways, but I still feel in my heart that we are on the right track. We only seem to have issues when we are away from each other for too long.
So again, today sucked hard. I worked nights last night, which meant I got home tired and into an empty bed, which made me lonely. I realized that DH has been short with me since he left. I rechecked text messages and sure enough, I couldn't see a text for the last week where he told me he loved me or anything more then a generic "Morning". I panicked. Its rare that an I love you is not said from him. One of his best and my most favorite qualities about him is that he always tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. It hurt to the bottom of my heart when I realized that he had stopped saying it. I talked to him briefly which didn't settle my mind anymore. I asked him why he stopped telling me he loved me and he was quiet for a very long time. It is still unsettling to me now. I'm trying to work through it and be rational but I worry. We have talked a bunch since that call this morning and I don't know that I can say that things are good, but they are defiantly better.. kinda. Its hard to explain with him. We have our issues but I don't feel like we will give up on one another. Not unless there is something that happens that we cant work through. I can only hope that things smooth out and we can work on making things better. I miss him. I miss who we used to be and what we had in the beginning.
I am going to make an effort to work on our relationship. I'm going to make an effort to spend some time together, without distractions of everyday life and I'm going to make an effort to be nice and loving. I need him and his love as much as I'm sure that he needs mine. I want to continue the TTC journey and work on us and our family all at the same time.
I took an O test and a PT tonight... Something about my moods told me I should check just in case!
A BFN on the PT and a BFN on the O test as well. The O test was a lighter control line and no positive line, while the PT was a strong instant control line with no positive line at all.
CM @18:00 hrs: Sticky/medium firm/medium height
